As a human being who poops from my butt, I was intrigued by the Squatty Potty’s claims to give me “the best poop of my life.” Welcome to the dig.

  If you internet, you’ve probably seen the Squatty Potty commercial featuring a constipated unicorn and a charming renaissance fellah, espousing the virtues of squat-based douces. The hilarious commercial was enough to get me to try it out. This device, a little poop stool, elevates your feet while you poop, to put your body into more of a squatting posture. It claims to ease muscles,  that while seated, kink your bowels’ natural flow.

  Does it work? Shit yeah it does. The first time is a little awkward, trying to negotiate scooting the SP out from under the toilet, while lifting your legs into the air without losing the pants from around your ankles.

  Once you get your body situated though, don’t blink, the SP turns the hershey highway into the autobahn. They claim you will poop up to twice as fast, or your money back. And it’s no joke. With the SP, you’ll be shitting like somebody buttered your asshole. It’s a butt-hole new world.

  Be careful though, after using it, each poop without the SP will be tinged with regret of what could have been.

  There are quite a few different models, the normal white plastic one, which we have, all the way up to fancy wooden models with different finishes to match your bathrooms. They even have a “porta-squatty” that is an inflatable version for on the go… going…

  As far as cons to owning a SP, there really isn’t much to say.

  You may poop so fast you won’t have time to use your phone.

  Negotiating the actual deployment of the SP is weird still every time, UNLESS YOU’RE NAKED. Pro tip.

Squatty Potty:
Perched like a gargoyle, shitting like a champion. We’ll see you next time, on the dig.

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